Last Sunday i went to the cemetery near my house as I often do.
A cousin, my grandmother and grandfather on my mother’s side are buried there.
I like to go there because it’s quiet and though it is a propitious place for some serious thinking I end up leaving as dumb as I walked in, but that’s another story.
Despite my personal beliefs I respect the love and the caring I see on many graves, but I also respect the abandonment and inattention of some.
In the end graves are just symbols… icons.
Section D, number 1429, Section C, number 1053… graves are just an X on the map. Personally, it’s not about a particular “X” on that maze of graves. The actual spot, itself, means very little to me but, instead, I rather hold on to the memories I have of my loved ones.
I honor them, not by visiting their resting ground but, by keeping their memories alive.
I got back home and after a coffee and two cigarettes I went through my final pack of 48 rolls of negatives, from 2013, trying to find an “X” among them. By “X” I mean negatives which were worth keeping.
Negative sheet by negative sheet I looked at the images, opened the matching folder on the computer and looked at the images again.
I threw all away.
Rubbish, after rubbish, after rubbish.
Nothing was worth keeping and, just like in the cemetery, I realized that… it’s not about the actual negatives themselves. It’s about the recollection of the pleasure I had taking the shots and developing the films.
It is the daily renewal of these feelings the source of my energy to keep on doing what I do.
I’m not looking for that special amazing shot because what I love the most is the journey.
I love the process and my love for the process is strong enough to endure the absence of any “X”.
PS: Just a note to say that, I do this every year. I don’t keep negatives, just the ones of my son, work related and the pictures of my friends.
During 2013 I toke and developed 305 rolls.