X(less)

Last Sunday i went to the cemetery near my house as I often do.
A cousin, my grandmother and grandfather on my mother’s side are buried there.

I like to go there because it’s quiet and though it is a propitious place for some serious thinking I end up leaving as dumb as I walked in, but that’s another story.

Despite my personal beliefs I respect the love and the caring I see on many graves, but I also respect the abandonment and inattention of some.

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In the end graves are just symbols… icons.
Section D, number 1429, Section C, number 1053… graves are just an X on the map. Personally, it’s not about a particular “X” on that maze of graves. The actual spot, itself, means very little to me but, instead, I rather hold on to the memories I have of my loved ones.

I honor them, not by visiting their resting ground but, by keeping their memories alive.

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I got back home and after a coffee and two cigarettes I went through my final pack of 48 rolls of negatives, from 2013, trying to find an “X” among them. By “X” I mean negatives which were worth keeping.

Negative sheet by negative sheet I looked at the images, opened the matching folder on the computer and looked at the images again.

I threw all away.
Rubbish, after rubbish, after rubbish.

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Nothing was worth keeping and, just like in the cemetery, I realized that… it’s not about the actual negatives themselves. It’s about the recollection of the pleasure I had taking the shots and developing the films.

It is the daily renewal of these feelings the source of my energy to keep on doing what I do.
I’m not looking for that special amazing shot because what I love the most is the journey.

I love the process and my love for the process is strong enough to endure the absence of any “X”.

PS: Just a note to say that, I do this every year. I don’t keep negatives, just the ones of my son, work related and the pictures of my friends.

During 2013 I toke and developed 305 rolls.

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6 comments
  1. dehk said:

    How did I missed this post. Totally true. Its the pleasure of the process, while the “x” just makes you extra happy.

    • Thank you so much my friend, that is most kind.
      Well, I’m guilty, I admit it. Although the love for the process is strong, I can’t help trying to find that X.

      Sounded a bit like Master Yoda. 🙂

      • dehk said:

        Me too. I keep looking for it everyweek. But I figured a √ check mark is just as good 😀

    • I’m going to tell you a secret.
      I got a (damn) Ricoh GRD3 and I’ve been using it since the beginning of the year… it’s delightful but it’s making me lazy… can’t have that.

      • dehk said:

        Haha so that would explain your slow progress on film 😀

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