I went down with a bang Ray.

To make a long story short let me just say that after an ultrasound exam the doctor discovered some… using his words… “strange shapes” in me and ordered an immediate CAT scan.

I would rather face Sugar Ray as I don’t believe he could hit me as hard as those words.

As I was waiting in the hospital to make the CAT scan, my mother was sitting right next to me. I could see the anguish and concern in her eyes and I cursed myself for that.

The look on her face was far, far more devastating than any result from the CAT scan. I blamed myself for everything. I asked the gods for the scan to come out clean. Not for myself but to spare my mother, my father, my sister, my son and my best friend from the sadness and concern.

You can always think to yourselves “yeah right…”, but this is the absolute truth.

At some point I thought: fuck it. God knows I’ve done some nasty things to my body and mind so…  The Universe always works in pairs; day/night, birth/death, sun/moon, love/hate… It’s the ONLY law.

God knows I would give my life without a second of a doubt for the life of any of the above. I love them so much I could not endure to be the cause of any kind of sadness, no matter the reason. That would kill me faster than any illness.

The Universe really works in pairs, anguish and fear are now happiness and relief. What was a desert is now the dream of a green clover field.

mãe finalmente





  1. dehk said:

    You’ll be fine, I know it.

    • Thank you, thank you… it’s been a ride I can tell you that.

      • dehk said:

        Well after all you are my favorite friend in that particular part of the world ‘)

      • And I feel honored! 🙂

  2. Mark said:

    Life reminds us sometimes how fragile everything is. The difference is that technology now gives us an opportunity to share our most intimate moments within cyberspace; and a bunch friends we would never have had before.

    The words and images in this blog go so well together, a perfect combination.

    It’s great that everything was okay my friend, not knowing and having to wait for tests, etc must be the worst feeling in the world. Clearly though you have people around you who are there if needed just as you would be for them. Life is an amazing but fragile thing something we only realise as we get older.

    • Thank you Mark.
      I some point I had to reach out you know. Like a foolish child I wanted my friends to tell me that everything would be fine. And you are so right. I keep on thinking that one morning we can wake up and all of the sudden out lives might never be the same.

  3. I do hope you will be OK, the images are very soulful particularly the one of your mother, superb.

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