Me, Myself and I.

Couple of months ago.

Couple of months ago.

It is, somehow a degrading process.

My body simply doesn’t obey my mind anymore and there’s no godforsaken prayer that can ease the pain. As I walk, even in super slow motion, I can feel my lower belly ripping apart.

This whole situation is draining my energy away and I’m pretty sure that very soon I can’t even walk anymore.

Yesterday morning, as I was leaving home, I looked at my cameras and for the very first time in 8 years I didn’t take any with me.

For the absolutely very first time I felt indifference instead of excitement, tiredness instead of stamina.

I’ve been loosing weight like crazy and let me tell you guys… I’m pretty fucked up mentally and physically.

I’m still waiting for the call from the hospital. If surgery keeps on being delayed I’m afraid I will not be able to work anymore anytime soon.

Things are what they are and I’m no different from an abandoned shoe or a dead seagull. The other me looks at myself with a slightly sad enthusiasm.

I’m sick as I’ve never felt before, I will face surgery (soon I hope), I’m loosing weight… all these ingredients make me a perfect subject for a series.

I don’t want to turn Cooking Film into a lame personal complaints blog so I must get on with the picture taking.

I will start posting new film images soon.

PS: No illness can take away the love for the little and amazing Ricoh GRD3.

Last Sunday.

Last Sunday.

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8 comments
  1. dehk said:

    So if I may ask , what’s wrong with you ?? Also I am sure us reader can wait until you feel better , that’s more important !

  2. Steven Lawrence said:

    From your posts it is apparent that you have a life threatening situation. Why is the surgery not imminent?

  3. seb said:

    Dude, i hope you get well soon! I wish all the best for you! Cheers!

  4. mesmo não servindo de muito, um grande desejo de melhoras.. que essa cirurgia venha rápido, que voltem as fotografias e a boa disposição 🙂

    Grande abraço

  5. Apart from all the bad suspicions what started to be a small cut causing a small inguinal hernia is now a huge cut causing a huge inguinal hernia. The cut started to be 1cm long and it is now 2,5cm long.

    Delaying the surgery is aggravating my condition to the point of causing pain every time I walk. What was the size of a walnut is now the size of a small orange.

    Steven, this is the way the hospitals do things around here. There’s no money for surgery unless I show up in the emergency room screaming in pain and the sad part is, it’s going to happen. Why? When the hernia gets to big to fit the “cut” it will “strangulate” and that’s what the doctors are waiting.

    This is the way of the Portuguese National Health System.

    ——-

    Thank you each and everyone of you. I’ve had a great day today, even went for a small walk with my son.

  6. I wish you a prompt recovery, man. Your posts are inspiring, but everything is of secondary importance when health becomes an issue. Be strong.

    • Thank you my friend, thank you deeply. All fine now but, you know, I’m like an old car. 🙂

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